I woke up this morning with a
sleepy heavy head because of last night’s phone chat with LeslieDai. 30 minutes
more and the Week of Prayer morning session will start so I hurry to the shower
and took my bath. While ironing my uniform, something’s bothering me. It’s like
something is important today. I was trying to remember who among my friends
celebrate his\her birthday today but I can’t remember who. I was tired of
digging my brain so I continue with my day.
Just this noon mother called me
through LeslieDai and reminded me that today is the death anniversary of my
brother. I told myself that I’m such a useless sister, forgetting about my
brother is a serious case. I haven’t seen his tomb for 3 years now. I hate
myself for not remembering facts about my brother. Why a sister who dearly
loved her brother forgot his death. I’m so pathetic.
Wherever my brother is, he knows
how I miss him. Even though I failed to show how much I love him when he’s
still alive. I remember that, it was also Thursday when he died, a phone call
from mother destroy my happy day. How can I forget the first sleepless night of
his funeral? I can’t even close my eyes to sleep because of my swollen eyes and
that because I imagine his face. I can’t look at him in his coffin. It kills me
to see his decaying fingers. I can’t even breathe because of my endless cry
during his burial. Seeing his coffin slowly going down the ground and covering
him with soil crushes my heart. It feels like I’m the one covered with soil.
Up to now every time those last
memory of him flashes through my mind, endless tears rushes my cheeks like it
just happened yesterday. If I could erase those sad moments, I will, but with
those short memories of him how can I cut that part if it is the only one left?
